Monday, March 16, 2009

Survival Mode

Have you ever been afraid to ask God for something not because you were afraid that the answer would be no, but because you were afraid the answer would be yes. You just weren’t sure that you were ready to handle the responsibility—I know that that is a faulty view of God, but it's just where you are.

If you can relate then, it sounds like you have hit what Dave calls “survival mode”. That was me this week. I have been sick and it just depleted me of all of my resources, physical, emotional and maybe even a little spiritual. (You know it is bad when you start to read a book on missionary burnout and depression and it is encouraging.) Now it didn’t help that we also had a couple of good sand storms to blow in a thick layer of dust and sand on everything in my house that I got to deal with. Then my youngest son had a major melt down because he put a disk in the wii and it jammed and he was sure that it couldn’t be fixed until we go home in two years (which is partially right, it will have to go to North America to be fixed)….

So what do you do when you can’t even bring yourself to ask? I guess I come back to “Be still… and know”—which is another difficult one for me, but maybe it is a little be easier to be “still” when you aren’t feeling very good. I am starting to feel better, but if you have any suggestions in this area feel free to comment. I am always open to new ways of renewing.

3 comments:

Cindy said...

No answers...
Just 'I understand, and I will be praying...honest...'
hugs...

Maxwell Family said...

Jennifer,
I love your honesty. God will bless that as you move out of "survival mode" and keep walking by faith. Remeber He will carry you when you can walk no more. Shannon

Ruth Griffin said...

Just read all your blogs since Christmas. Some were a re-read, but it's been a while. Sorry to hear you've been sick. Bugs are flying around here too. Phil is the latest casualty, but seems to be recuperating now. Nora is home for March break, so I can sleep in a little too, it helps. I don't think you have a faulty view of God, I think you are a normal human and sometimes (more often than not?)we have trouble trusting when we think we know what we want, even tho God knows best. Does that make sense?